The Orca’s Thumb

When stealing Apple gear, one can’t simply throw just any old cinder block through the Apple Store’s plate glass window. That type of plebeian criminal activity just simply isn’t done when pilfering such high-end gear. These days, if you don’t want to be laughed out of the criminal underworld, you need to make sure you use a $60,000 automobile (or better) as the method of breaking and entering.

According to AppleInsider, criminals smashed a Lexus through the Columbus Ohio Apple store at 1AM last night in a classic “Smash and grab”. The hooded suspects then began loading merchandise (using their 5 finger discount, of course) into the Lexus’ trunk, then drove off amidst a barrage of bullets from local law enforcement, and subsequently escaped.

Now, this robbery provokes many questions. First, if the thieves could afford a Lexus, why would they need to steal? If they couldn’t, and were using a stolen automobile, why wouldn’t they have stolen a larger car/SUV – since more storage means more stolen loot? And finally, what are the odds the Apple Store employees will end up catching these guys using the Back To My Mac feature before the Columbus PD?